I’m Moving!!!

Not in the physical sense.  Well, I did move recently but that not new news.  What I’m getting at is I’m moving my blog.  WordPress was great while in Ghana when most of my posts were text.  But now that I’m back in the technological U.S. of A. I have the freedom to get a bit more crazy with my posts.  We’re talking posting from my iPhone and all that kind of craziness!

You can expect the same eclectic mix of posts. From lifestyle to religion, political to rants, want I want, what I love and what I don’t love.  It wil all stay the same just the format will be a bit different.

It’s all going down at http://laurenleighann.tumblr.com/ Bookmark it. Know it. Love it.

I hope you like it.  I hope you continue to follow and I look forward to sharing my little piece of the world with you.

xx’s and oo’s!

 

CALLING ALL CARS!!!

A long, long, long time ago (and about thirty pounds ago) I was a ballerina girl.  There was a flock of us. Or would we be called a gaggle? A gaggle of lanky, awkward, silly girls who spent all their time in rehearsal, practice, stretching and conspiring.   We had this theory about our instructor Ms. Dorothy. The theory was that we could predict what sort of mood she was in by the type of earrings she was wearing.  If Ms. Dorothy was in a good mood she would take the time to match a dangly, beautifully beaded pair of earrings to her leotard and dance skirt.  If she was not in a pleasant mood (and this sourness of mood was certain to be taken out on us young dancers) she would hurriedly place a pair of boring studs in her ears before leaving for the studio.

I can’t tell you if this theory is true or not because as quickly as we came up with it we moved on to another topic. There was very little research involved in our philosophizing.

Today is Monday. A Monday that rides in on the wave of a difficult weekend.  I donned my own version of Ms. Dorothy’s dangly earrings.  Six inch leopard print heels.  At least I’m surfing the wave of a crappy weekend in fabulous footwear.

Unsettled and unhappy for all the same reasons.  Dare I say I’m in the exact same place I was  seven years ago?

The friends are the same, just married and with children.

The haunts are the same, except now it’s dirty martinis and tuna tartare instead of Miller Light and potato skins.

The closet still overflows but with vintage Halston instead of Forever 21.

The church is the same, the weather is the same, the boys are the same and the list of summer activities in Northwest Florida is the same.

I miss my home in Orlando.  A weekend visit made me long for the variety and the perks that come with life in a big city.  Bored and lonely any day of the week? Fear not!  There is a list full of activities one can participate in and even meet new people.  The amount of those in a similar state of life as I is staggering.  Single twenty and thirty-somethings are doing things!!!
Museums, activities, art shows, events and music.  I miss it. The variety! The people!

I’m ready to run.  I did it once before and I’ll do it again.

So my plea is to all you Northwest Floridians out there.  The ones who don’t judge, who have a world view greater than the one they are involved in. The ones who would rather live life then sit on the sidelines and watch.  Will you be my friend? Will you include me in your life and show me that this city really has more to offer?  Or is it a lost cause?  Is this all there is?  I’m open and I’m willing and ready.  And most importantly I am BORED. BORED OUT OF MY MIND!!!  I’ve never been desperate a day in my life until now.

Help!!!

Unrest.

I’m glad in God, far happier than you would ever guess—happy that you’re again showing such strong concern for me. Not that you ever quit praying and thinking about me. You just had no chance to show it. Actually, I don’t have a sense of needing anything personally. I’ve learned by now to be quite content whatever my circumstances. I’m just as happy with little as with much, with much as with little. I’ve found the recipe for being happy whether full or hungry, hands full or hands empty. Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am. I don’t mean that your help didn’t mean a lot to me—it did. It was a beautiful thing that you came alongside me in my troubles.

 ` Philippians 4:10-14 The Message

 

            This time last year I was on a plane bound for Ghana.  I don’t need to read my old posts to remember how I was feeling.  I was so excited.  I had never been more confident of anything in my life.  I knew I was doing the right thing and I knew I was right where I was supposed to be.  Life was whole and complete.  Living in the satisfaction of knowing you’re doing what Christ wants you to do provides a peace like no other.  I was clueless as to how I was going to be used and what I was going to learn over those ten months.  Not once have I ever really used anything I learned in college but not a day goes by since returning that I don’t draw from what I learned and experienced in Ghana.

            And now I’m here.  I’ve learned and I’ve grown and I’m thankful for that.  I have no fear.  “Stupid bravery” as friends call it.  I purposefully make decisions and take action to not fall into the same mistakes I’ve so easily fallen into before.  Yet I am still so much the same person I was before I left.  I’m restless.  I’m just as restless as I was before I left.  I’m just as alone, just as frustrated and just as empty. 

            My calling in life is to care for and to love.  My gift is making people feel good and safe and secure. I need to nurture.  But you won’t let me.

            There are children in this world who need love.  Who need attention and who need affection.  I’m so ready to provide that. I’m ready and willing to go. To show and share how much Jesus loves them.  It’s what He wants us to do…what he commands us to do.  But it’s not what He’s commanding me to do. 

            He’s commanding me to sit behind this desk, and to go back school, and to live in a town I don’t like living in. And it pisses me off.  (Don’t fret, my God can handle my anger.) He’s forcing me to live a life I don’t want to live.

            Paul wrote the above passage while sitting in a jail cell waiting for a verdict for a crime he didn’t commit.  And he still found peace and contentment with his situation. Pfffft.

            Praying that I can be like Paul in my current state of unrest, that I can find the joy and the contentment in my current place.  In Ghana I prayed that God would give me my portion each day.  I didn’t need anything extra, I just needed what would get me through the day.  In a place where there was nothing I needed very little to be happy.

            Why is it that I now feel like I need so much?

Sunday Morning Blues…

Speaking from a place of restlessness.

We like to think of ourselves as kind thoughtful people.  When that image is shattered and we’re faced with the reality of our own ugliness…what next?

How about when one small mis-step dregs up an entire lifetime of memories?  Should it (still) be that frustrating? Should it still matter?

Is it too much to want simplicity? Love without the racing thoughts? Faith without the frustration? A simple life?

This is the song of a girl less than happy.  The past seventy-two hours have been brutal only to be made worse by empty promises and what can only be described as situational concern.

I’ll be dancing with my covers most of the day today.  Don’t bother calling.

Paging Dr. Bombay. Dr. Bombay.

***WARNING***WARNING******WARNING***WARNING******WARNING***WARNING***

If you would prefer to think of me as a delicate flower who does not participate in certain activities then stop reading. 

You’ve been warned.

“I swear if one more person says it’s just gas I’m going to kick them in the throat.  I may be in pain but I am fully capable of putting my foot at even the tallest man’s throat level.” ~Lauren Botts

I have always been healthy.  Never been to the ER, no major surgeries, I’ve never even had the flu.  I’m also not a “doctor” person either.  You know who I’m talking about.  The ones who run to their physician each and every time they get a cold or stub their toe.  That’s just not who I am.  I come from good stock and the healthy as a horse gene has been passed down to me.

Until now.

I came back from Ghana a little early for several reasons and one of them was my health.   I was diagnosed with “some sort of infection” (Ghanaian doctors words not mine) in January and I just haven’t been right since.   My symptoms include persistent stomach pain with 24-48 hour periods of excruciating pain which often times leads to nausea, headaches, muscle pain and soreness.  The pain varies from lower to upper, right side to left.  The only thing that provides relief is sleep which is often achieved through a new little guy I’ve met over the course of this ordeal…Mr. Percocet.  He and my buddy phenergran make an incredible duo.

There is no rhyme or reason as to what sets it off.  Spicy foods, bland foods, fiber rich, fiber poor, exercise and normal day to day activity, riding in a car…any one of these things have set it off but at other times have no affect at all. 

Over the course of next week I will be having another CT Scan, an endoscopy and a colonoscopy.  I’ll be meeting with an infectious disease specialist.  All my blood and all other “fluids” will be re-tested for abnormalities, parasites, and a host of other malfunctions. 

My fear lies in the list.  There is a long list of things it could be.  And the more things crossed off the list the more bizarre and severe the potential problem could be. 

I’m praying that whatever it is the doctors locate it.  That they locate it in my stomach.  If it’s not in my  stomach then they move the search to my reproductive organs.  A malfunction in that department would be to much for me to bear.  A malfunction in that department would make me angry.  Even the thought overwhelms me to a place of emotion I haven’t visited in many years.

 

I want it all Wednesday.

Dance Now Women’s leather Ballet slipper.  Because the Repetto version is waaay out of my price range.

Obsessed with the adorable-ness of this Chloe scalloped halterneck white bikini.  And after all the money I saved by not bying the Repetto ballet flat I can aford it? Perhaps?

Going crazy for denim this summer.  Especially these Goldsign high waisted wide legged jeans.   And if you know me you know I am not a “trouser” person.  But this style is definately obsession worthy.

And last but certainly not least, a tiny silver spoon necklace from one of my most favorite websites of all time, Etsy.  For obvious reasons.  And a coke habit so totally not being that reason.  Hugs not drugs.

I Want it All Wednesdays – Accessories edition.

$16.99 at ModCoth

$249.99 at ModCloth

$43.99 at ModCloth

http://www.modcloth.com/

Rachel, Karl and Magnums.

Rachel Bilson.  I’ve loved Rachel Bilson since she was toting around Princess Sparkle playing the role of Summer Roberts on The OC.  She has a great sense of style and her looks are always flawless.

Karl Lagerfeld.  Well, he’s Karl Lagerfeld.  He’s the creative director of Chanel.  He can do no wrong.

Magnum Bars.  Available for the first time in the US.  These were a super special treat for me while I was in Ghana and I DIED when I saw that they were now available in the US.

What do they all have to do with each other? Rachel Bilson is the new face of Magnum Bars.  Karl Lagerfeld is directing a commericial film for the bars.

It’s an amazing combination of three of my favorite things. Try ‘em.  You’ll love ‘em.

He was a skater boy…

 

Growing up with four brothers has heavily influenced me.  I don’t skate but am obsessed with the culture that surrounds it.  Supreme has been one of my favorite skate shops.  They are always partnering with the most groundbreaking artists, designers, musicians and photographers. 

If I were a skater girl.  These boards by Robert Longo is what you would find me on.  Resonably priced at around $88. 

http://www.supremenewyork.com/ for more details.

Over Involvement and Uprising.

I don’t get political very often but today, two news items got me riled up. 

First.  The City of Mobile is considering implementing a texting while driving ban.  If caught, texters could be fined $400 or 10 days in jail.  GASP!  Who knew that texting WHILE driving was dangerous?!  Seriously though, upon first glance it seems like reasonable legislation.  Is it necessary for the government to get involved in everything?  Don’t we all know the dangers of texting and driving without involving the powers that be?  It may seem like something small and meaningless but it’s just not necessary.  What’s next, jail time for applying lipstick while driving or government mandated curfews?

Second.  Syria.  Oh child.  The interwebs are all a buzz with chatter of military raids.  Soldiers in tanks, on foot and snipers taking out any and everyone who is (or who they think may) protest the current leadership.  The offensive was meticulously planned; Electricity was cut off as was phone service and water to the areas and people being targeted.  The strategy of the leadership seems to be pre-emptive.  Stop the protests before they happen as opposed to reacting to them once they do.   The widespread arrests, public humiliation and torture is being used to set an example for the rest of the country. 

The city of Daraa is where the uprising is said to have begun in mid-March.  It was set off by the arrest of several teenagers who scrawled anti- government graffiti on a wall.  Over the past five weeks this region has experienced most of the violence and bloodshed.  Since mid-March more than 350 people have been killed due to the riots with 120 dying over this weekend.   

As you go about your day today be thankful for the freedoms we have and be aware of the freedoms that are being taken away.  Look beyond yourself and see what’s happening outside of your bubble.  It’s a big world and it’s our job as humans to support pother humans.  Take a little time to concern yourself with what is happening to your fellow man on the other sides of the world.